My 12 year old progeny (or is that prodigy?) has recently been promoted to the High Performance Team in his gymnastics club.
That means more hours, more days, and training with the older gymnasts.
It also means he is being trained by a new coach, a Russian called Victor. (More on Victor in another post)
The collection of bruises and calluses my little boy (!) is collecting is enough to have the Child Protection squad knocking on my door, but he seems unfazed. Indeed he is lapping up the extra attention and the opportunity to be with older teenagers.
For the first few weeks, I asked him after each session what he was learning that was new – each time he gave the same reply – “Nothing”
I’m fairly patient, and frankly I’ve been getting the same answer about school for the last 7 years.
However I persisted and one day pushed the subject of learning-something-new a bit harder.
Finally and in frustration, he replied,
“Of course I’m not learning anything new; Victor says I have to get the basics right before he teaches me the complicated moves. I haven’t got the basics right so he won’t teach me anything new yet.”
I’ve read some great leadership books, and you know what? We do manage to complicate something so simple without focussing on the basics and getting them right first.
My point, get the basics of leadership right before you tackle the complex.
One of these basics is Giving Feedback.
Feedback is like revenge in that it is a dish best served cold.
I teach my senior management clients to give feedback as soon as possible after an event has occurred. Whether the event was to their liking or not.
But with a caveat. They only give feedback when they are emotionally in control. Emotionally intelligent feedback has a focussed outcome and is careful of measuring and managing the emotions of both the giver and the receiver of the feedback,
Last week I had a meeting with a group and was planning a separate feedback conversation with one of the participants afterwards about his dysfunctional behaviours.
The venue was booked; the individual knew we were having a private meeting after.
However during the first planned group meeting this individual was so rude and insulting to me and in such a public forum that I cancelled our one-one meeting.
Why? I was furious.
Nothing would have been gained by my speaking to him privately (except perhaps for me to have the brief satisfaction of ripping him to shreds verbally)
I rescheduled the meeting and was very careful to ensure that he knew the reason we were rescheduling was because I was too angry to talk the first time round.
The subsequent meeting was much more powerful and had the added benefit of giving him time to reflect on why I could be so angry as to postpone in the first instance.
He was much more open to receiving the feedback and somewhat more prepared to change his behaviours.
So be careful not to fall into the trap of Giving Feedback when you are angry or distressed.
Uncertain leaders fall into the trap of Giving Feedback in a seagull fashion.
Imagine if you will a Seagull with a full stomach, flying over a beach. He feels pressure building to the point of near explosion and when finally he can hold the pressure no longer; he “drops his load” on an unsuspecting individual.
Then he flies off relieved of his pressure and feeling much lighter and more energised. The unsuspecting individual however, feels the impact immediately.
Initially there is shock as with a tentative hand he carefully touches the point of impact. The icky ooze seeps between his fingertips and his changes to anger then outrage.
Too late, the seagull has moved off leaving him totally impotent in his rage.
The Impact of Giving Feedback – Seagull Style
Giving feedback Seagull style has the same impact on your unsuspecting employees, colleagues or members of the public, whoever it is that you have chosen to relieve your pressure on.
The image is not pretty, is it?
However; so many times we choose to give feedback Seagull style, leaving the same emotional impact.
When we give feedback Seagull style once, there is indeed shock, disbelief and anger. But when we use this as our only strategy for giving feedback then we seriously isolate and alienate our staff.
Disengagement is the only result to Giving Feedback in this way.
I adapted this from an article I read in the Loral Langemeier book “Building Leading and Protecting Your Business”. It made so much sense that I couldn’t not share it.
The difference between leadership and management is that management is about follow through and implementation of tactics whereas leadership is about the development of vision and people. Management is the “have-to” while Leadership is the “want-to”
The 5-Cs of leadership are:
- Character
- Capacity
- Credibility
- Courage and
- Communication (which includes Giving Feedback.)
Character: An internal make-up and who you are at core – almost your DNA. Developing a stronger sense of your character involves getting to know yourself more.
Capacity: Your mental ability to conceive and lead a project from vision to completion/ the group results are the feedback on your capacity to lead. Good bad or indifferent.
Credibility: Your personal integrity. This is the mirror of your actions – not your words
Courage: This is your inner strength to overcome the inevitable obstacles and move the group to your vision
Communication: The ability to give voice to your vision in a way that makes others act.
If you were to score yourself on a scale of 1-10 on each – where 10 is outstanding (and 1 isn’t) how would you rate?
Simply, giving feedback is sharing observations about performance or work-related behaviours. It is a core leadership skill which is rarely taught to new leaders.
The goal of feedback is to help someone to achieve their objectives by either reinforcing useful behaviours or by changing unhelpful behaviours.
Depending upon the situation, you can give feedback based on short-term or long-term goals.
You can also give feedback in different directions: downward, laterally to a colleague or more rarely upward.
Giving Effective Feedback can improve three aspects of performance :
- relationships – how well you interact with people
- process – how you get the work done
- results – your measurable on-the-job achievements
Giving Effective feedback also helps to
- redirect a behaviour or point out a more productive path of action
- reinforce or encourage an effective way of working
- coach better performance.
